Bring on the Crazy

Sorry for the year and a half hiatus.  Too much change to keep up with this thing.  Moving on.  Because that’s what we are supposed to do in life. Keep it movin!

So this will be like one of those TV shows where they always flashback to years before.  It will make sense when we start to get into the thick of things.

I’m actually gonna take it back to my first relationship with the 14yo, the illegal, that’s what we can call him for now.  We had an adventurous sex life for as young as we were.  We fucked everywhere.  In his house, getting caught by his stepdad, not embarrassing at all!  In my Mustang.  At my house.  Honestly, wherever we could find room.   We did and tried EVERYTHING!

(Insert the line us girls say about our younger years “It was just a phase I was going through”)  Well…here began my “phase” with the help of the illegal.  Most young females have their “girl phase” we will call it, the one where we are curious about other girls.  My curiosity was persuaded by the illegal.  His brother’s girlfriend at the time was Bi and she was pretty and so one night all 4 of us, yes the 4 of us, me, the illegal, his brother and his girlfriend were in a bed together and it was like a small orgy!  That was my first experience with a woman.  And I have to say, it wasn’t bad.  But that persuasion brought on other persuasions, and some not so safe ones at that.

You never want to open the can of worms…

Gym Life

So onto the next chapter of my life…

I am a gym rat.  I love working out, lifting heavy things, sweat, and muscles!  I don’t do it for anyone but me.  I go to the gym to clear my head, to let out some anger and frustration, for therapy…NOT for social hour!  If I come talk to you, that’s ok, do not come talk to me!  Haha!  I know it sounds bad, but other rats will agree.

Years ago, I would see this guy at my gym…baggy sweats, hat on but down so you could barely see his face.  He had muscle!!  He had a “don’t fuck with me” attitude, which we all know I like.  This was very intriguing to me.  One day we were both over doing legs and I worked up the nerve to say hi, I was definitely not as outgoing and open as I am today.  The “hi” shortly led to a few nights of talking late at the gym.  When I say late I mean around midnight for about 3 hours a night for 3 days straight!  I couldn’t get enough.  I ran into him at a restaurant a few days later which was weird because he didn’t live near there.  I took that as a sign, because I am female and that’s what we do…anything is a sign!

The next sign, the more we talked we found out that our parents knew each other 5 years prior to us meeting…now if that isn’t a sign!!  So we started dating, and this is where the craziness begins!

Stay tuned if you wanna hear all of my crazy 😉  Until then…stay crazy people!

The Beginning

Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down and I’d like to take a minute just sit right here and tell you how I got to bloggin bout my life on here.  Ok so if you didn’t know, that is supposed to be to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.  Haha!  I did the best that I could!  But I thought it would be a good introduction to my backstory…

So not too sure where to begin…do I start when I lost my virginity??  Or when I was growing up in a “not so healthy” home?  As they say, everything you go through in life molds you into the person you are today.  Well, let me tell you…there has been A LOT of molding going on in my life!!  Everyone has their own stories and struggles and mine, maybe not as bad as someone else’s, was bad enough for me.

I won’t bore you too much with my childhood but it has its important parts.  Growing up you could say we did ok.  I pretty much got what I wanted, a new car at 16, all of the clothes I wanted, basically whatever I wanted within reason.  But, I had a mom that would stay in bed all night after work and on the weekends and my dad was the one who took us places mostly.  I never had a good relationship with my mom, we butt heads ALL of the time!  She and my dad fought a lot and I was always in the middle (literally, they would fight with my right there).  They would yell, scream, cuss (mainly her – and every word you can think of) argue, fight, throw things, blah blah blah.  Anywho, that’s the environment I grew up in.

So as you can guess, growing up, I took on a lot of those traits.  They began to show up when I started dating my first serious boyfriend.  We were together 5 years, on and off, and on and off, and on and off!  He was 14 when I met him! Oh…….and I was 19.  (Insert shocked face emoji here)  We met on AOL back in……the day!  We started chatting in a chat room and he told me he was 18 and that he was actually his cousin.  Long story short, we got along, both lived in the same city, only a few minutes away from each other etc.

It was YOUNG love.  Went to movies, dinner, had sex, hung out, had sex, did other things, had sex.  We had a lot of sex.  And when we didn’t have time, we had “quiches” aka quickies.  It was what a young relationship was, but it turned into an unhealthy relationship.

For one, every time we were “off” we would hook up with other people then we would come back to each other but we would cheat on each other.  Secondly, I had my own issues.  I was anorexic to the point where I would run excessively, eat a few skittles and some pretzels and that was it.  I got better but it was a phase I was going through.  I had self esteem issues, I was insecure, I was depressed.  I would have crying spells that lasted 2-3 hours of just full on balling.  I would hit my head against walls and try to hurt myself in other ways as well.  I was just in a bad place in my life and never really understood why, and I’m not sure I even fully understand it now.  But he was ALWAYS there for me and would comfort me.  He never judged me, and I still love him for that.

He was as good to me as a teenage boy could be.  Why would he not be???? I was over 4 years older than him!!  He did everything for me and honestly, to this day, I know I took him for granted. I didn’t know it back then but I sure do now!  He was the guy that did the “little things”.  He would bring me skittles up to work because he knew they were my favorite candy.  He would leave a rose on my car or a cute card.  He was and still is “that” guy.  The one we all are searching for.  But after 5 long years, we broke up.  The relationship was comfortable, it was good and it was bad.  We had been through so much and I didn’t want to part ways but I guess it was time for me to move on to a new chapter in my life.  We are still friends to this day.

That is all for tonight.  On to the next chapter…


Belated Birthday Dinner

So tonight was my belated birthday dinner with my dad and his wife.  As I sit there chatting with them I look to my left and see a group of kids, teenagers at best, pretty well behaved but still…teenagers.  And now a baby running around the restaurant with a young girl following behind her.  We do the polite thing and say “oh she is so cute!” (which she was) and ask if it is her sister…….wait for it……..noooooooooooo, it was her daughter!  WTF.  My dads wife says “oh wow, you look so young” and the girl says she is 19 and the kid is 1, so she had her at 18.  Ummmmmmm…..ok.  I thought to myself…I am “30-something” and there is NO WAY, at this point in my life, could or would I be able to raise a kid!  I have zero time, financially it is a huge responsibility, and oh wait…..I am single (which for me, I need to be married before I have a child), among other factors.  But to each their own, congrats, she was cute!

So for some dumb reason I decide to tell them that I have started a blog!  Why on earth would I do that?!?  His wife starts asking me oh how can we read it, how can we find it if your name isn’t on it….UGH.  This is going to have some very private shit in it and I DO NOT need them reading this!!  Sex, dating, sex, life, sex, puppies, sex, BFFs, sex and sex.  Geezus.  Clearly the dessert I had was clouding my judgment.  Blarb.

And as odd as this sounds, I really am a very private person when it comes to dating and relationships and just my personal life in general (other than telling the few people closest to me) so for me to put this all out there will be interesting.  Maybe a good outlet for me, maybe a good outlet for you!  Do you guys tell your parents all about your dating life and sex life?  For me, I just think it is too weird.  I do not want to think about my parents doing things and I don’t think they would want to know about me doing things!  Let me know your thoughts and feelings about that.

Well I am off to do some cardio since I devoured a ginormous amount of cake and ice cream at dinner.  Current status – feeling fat.  Goodnight to all!

Like A Virgin Part 2…

Apparently there is much to learn about a blog which is why this is “Like a Virgin part 2”.  I have NO idea what I am doing here!  But you learn as you go along I suppose.

As I sit here watching the finale of The Bachelor, I think…Is there really a love like the one you see on this damn show??  I mean, I can feel their love sitting on my couch!  I can feel the love!  BUT is it really out there, outside of reality TV?  Outside of all of the fancy helicopter rides and tropical vacations??  One can only hope.

I used to be a hopeless romantic and I think that one day I will be again but a lot has happened to get me to the place I am today, and I guess that place is that of a tough girl.  I have always told my BFF that it will take a very special person to pull out the sweet, caring, shirt off your back girl that I once was.  A VERY SPECIAL PERSON!!!!  And honestly, I’m not even sure she is still in there, at least not all of her.

My past has hurt me.  Has lied to me.  Has betrayed me.  Has made me sink to the bottom where all of the rocks lie (or is it lay?  see not much one for grammar)  Either way, I have steel walls built for me by the person I thought I would spend my life with.  The one person that was supposed to make sure all walls stayed down for good.  Well, clearly that went to hell in a large hand basket!  Because I’m sitting here, typing this damn blog about to tell everyone about all of the crap that has happened in my life and about all of the adventures in dating, etc. that I have experienced and wondering if I’m the only one that has gone through this craziness…

Hopefully you can relate and share some of your stories or maybe I can help you in some way.  I am great at giving advice!  And terrible at taking my own advice!  Do as I say, not as I do, right??

Anywho, that’s all for tonight.  Need some sleep so I can wash, rinse, repeat tomorrow.  Goodnight my dears 😉  Until we meet again.

Like A Virgin…A Single, 30-Something Woman’s Quest…

So today I decided to start my own blog.  Losing my virginity in this world of people spilling their guts about their personal lives, work stuff and basically whatever the hell they want to talk about hoping someone out there will read their crap. My thoughts…Will I succeed?  Will people find it?  When they do, will they read it and enjoy it as much as I will?  I guess the only way to find out is to try!  So here goes…

I am not much of a writer.  In fact, not one at all!  But we all have to start somewhere and this is my somewhere.

So you may ask what my quest is.  Well, I guess it is just all the bullshit and drama and “life” that I have been through (good, bad and ugly) that I feel can be shared and hopefully allow others to realize they aren’t the only ones!  Don’t worry, it will get better as I go along!  You cant have all of the drama happen at the beginning, that would be like a guy…well…I’ll save “those” conversations for a later date after you get to know me a little better 😉

Who am I??  My name…well that will be kept private but I’ll think of a good name that fits my blog.  I am a “30-Something” female.  I work a stressful job (most of the time) that eats up much of my free time.  I work, eat, go to the gym and sleep.  Wash, rinse, repeat.  I am single, which I will get into later, but at this point in time mostly because I have no time to date.  I own my condo and live with the 2 loves of my life, my dogs 😉  I rarely have time to go to Walmart for toiletries and on the weekends I am too tired to do much and all I want to do is watch Netflix dammit!  I know I am not the only person living this life and I know some of you can relate which again, is why I am doing this.

Well I have to get to the gym…I guess this would be the rinse cycle of my day.  Cleansing out all of the toxins from my crazy workday.  So until tomorrow my friends…..REPEAT!