The Beginning

Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down and I’d like to take a minute just sit right here and tell you how I got to bloggin bout my life on here.  Ok so if you didn’t know, that is supposed to be to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.  Haha!  I did the best that I could!  But I thought it would be a good introduction to my backstory…

So not too sure where to begin…do I start when I lost my virginity??  Or when I was growing up in a “not so healthy” home?  As they say, everything you go through in life molds you into the person you are today.  Well, let me tell you…there has been A LOT of molding going on in my life!!  Everyone has their own stories and struggles and mine, maybe not as bad as someone else’s, was bad enough for me.

I won’t bore you too much with my childhood but it has its important parts.  Growing up you could say we did ok.  I pretty much got what I wanted, a new car at 16, all of the clothes I wanted, basically whatever I wanted within reason.  But, I had a mom that would stay in bed all night after work and on the weekends and my dad was the one who took us places mostly.  I never had a good relationship with my mom, we butt heads ALL of the time!  She and my dad fought a lot and I was always in the middle (literally, they would fight with my right there).  They would yell, scream, cuss (mainly her – and every word you can think of) argue, fight, throw things, blah blah blah.  Anywho, that’s the environment I grew up in.

So as you can guess, growing up, I took on a lot of those traits.  They began to show up when I started dating my first serious boyfriend.  We were together 5 years, on and off, and on and off, and on and off!  He was 14 when I met him! Oh…….and I was 19.  (Insert shocked face emoji here)  We met on AOL back in……the day!  We started chatting in a chat room and he told me he was 18 and that he was actually his cousin.  Long story short, we got along, both lived in the same city, only a few minutes away from each other etc.

It was YOUNG love.  Went to movies, dinner, had sex, hung out, had sex, did other things, had sex.  We had a lot of sex.  And when we didn’t have time, we had “quiches” aka quickies.  It was what a young relationship was, but it turned into an unhealthy relationship.

For one, every time we were “off” we would hook up with other people then we would come back to each other but we would cheat on each other.  Secondly, I had my own issues.  I was anorexic to the point where I would run excessively, eat a few skittles and some pretzels and that was it.  I got better but it was a phase I was going through.  I had self esteem issues, I was insecure, I was depressed.  I would have crying spells that lasted 2-3 hours of just full on balling.  I would hit my head against walls and try to hurt myself in other ways as well.  I was just in a bad place in my life and never really understood why, and I’m not sure I even fully understand it now.  But he was ALWAYS there for me and would comfort me.  He never judged me, and I still love him for that.

He was as good to me as a teenage boy could be.  Why would he not be???? I was over 4 years older than him!!  He did everything for me and honestly, to this day, I know I took him for granted. I didn’t know it back then but I sure do now!  He was the guy that did the “little things”.  He would bring me skittles up to work because he knew they were my favorite candy.  He would leave a rose on my car or a cute card.  He was and still is “that” guy.  The one we all are searching for.  But after 5 long years, we broke up.  The relationship was comfortable, it was good and it was bad.  We had been through so much and I didn’t want to part ways but I guess it was time for me to move on to a new chapter in my life.  We are still friends to this day.

That is all for tonight.  On to the next chapter…


Belated Birthday Dinner

So tonight was my belated birthday dinner with my dad and his wife.  As I sit there chatting with them I look to my left and see a group of kids, teenagers at best, pretty well behaved but still…teenagers.  And now a baby running around the restaurant with a young girl following behind her.  We do the polite thing and say “oh she is so cute!” (which she was) and ask if it is her sister…….wait for it……..noooooooooooo, it was her daughter!  WTF.  My dads wife says “oh wow, you look so young” and the girl says she is 19 and the kid is 1, so she had her at 18.  Ummmmmmm…..ok.  I thought to myself…I am “30-something” and there is NO WAY, at this point in my life, could or would I be able to raise a kid!  I have zero time, financially it is a huge responsibility, and oh wait…..I am single (which for me, I need to be married before I have a child), among other factors.  But to each their own, congrats, she was cute!

So for some dumb reason I decide to tell them that I have started a blog!  Why on earth would I do that?!?  His wife starts asking me oh how can we read it, how can we find it if your name isn’t on it….UGH.  This is going to have some very private shit in it and I DO NOT need them reading this!!  Sex, dating, sex, life, sex, puppies, sex, BFFs, sex and sex.  Geezus.  Clearly the dessert I had was clouding my judgment.  Blarb.

And as odd as this sounds, I really am a very private person when it comes to dating and relationships and just my personal life in general (other than telling the few people closest to me) so for me to put this all out there will be interesting.  Maybe a good outlet for me, maybe a good outlet for you!  Do you guys tell your parents all about your dating life and sex life?  For me, I just think it is too weird.  I do not want to think about my parents doing things and I don’t think they would want to know about me doing things!  Let me know your thoughts and feelings about that.

Well I am off to do some cardio since I devoured a ginormous amount of cake and ice cream at dinner.  Current status – feeling fat.  Goodnight to all!